Saturday, April 9, 2011

Slightly Excited


I’m just a bit excited. I’ve got this chit from a medico. You probably know I’ve had some medical problems of late. Heart, chest, diabetes and gout – full house.

The heart unit have me on an 8 week course of lectures and physiotherapy. It’s supposed to extend my life expectancy dramatically.

This week we had a talk from the pharmacist to explain the drugs we’re on and their side effects. We also had a talk from this woman about getting your life back to normal after your operation. When you can drive again, how you mustn’t play contact sport like AFL and why you mustn’t operate heavy equipment like brooms, dusters and dish washers. All a bit boring really until she gave out this sheet about returning to sexual activity.

I can’t wait to get home. As I read it, it says that I am required to have sex at once. I only hope that the missus understands the therapeutic value and that I can persuade her how important it is to my full recovery.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

My Funny Valentine


They sat in front of us at the Kino Cinema on Valentine’s Day.

I suppose they were going to have champagne cocktails in Treasury Gardens after the show.

“Ain’t love grand?”

Please (Do Not) Feed The Birds


He was sitting outside the coffee shop at St Vincent’s Hospital sharing his breakfast with the birds.

He was prepared for anything:

  • documents and money in a leather man-bag
  • bedding zipped into a square polyester canvas bag
  • a rolled sleeping mat
  • cloths stuffed into his duffel bag with a fishing rod if he ever needs to catch his dinner

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Rasta Fairy


A fairy with dreadlocks sat at the next table at the “Love Hut” Vegan Restaurant in Victoria Street.

Her dreads were dyed in pastel colours to match the pastel coloured tattoos on her arms.

She also had one of those bunny-rabbit rucksacks that primary school kids use in their first year.

Someone said she might be a performer who’d just come from a kid’s birthday party.
I’m not convinced. She is absolutely living the role.

Perhaps she’s not the “Rasta Fairy” but the “Pastel Pixie”.

It’s a sin to tell a lie



The crooner sang his heart out while Aunty Judy stood to one side and growled advice to the lovelorn:


I love you, yes I do, I love you

"Don't you be telling me any porkies, you'll go to a dark place......

If you break my heart I'll die

“Wake up to yourself, you stupid bloody wuss…”

So be sure it's true

“… straight to hell...... “

When you say I love you

“… silly bugger…”

It's a sin to tell a lie

“It's a bloody sin, and that means it's bloody bloody drongo"


Friday, February 4, 2011

Great Lakes


“Now, can any student name one of the Great Lakes?”

“Oh, me miss. Me, miss, Pick me, miss.”

“Yes, Olive…”

“Albert Park Lake, miss.”